Thought for the Day...Anger

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. ~Author Unknown

Just Trying to Cope....

Someone shared this with me recently and it says what maybe I try to put into words unsuccessfully each and every day. Though I tweaked it a bit..it pretty much sums up what I have been dealing with for the last several years.

Letter to people without chronic pain, chronic or unknown illness

:

Having chronic pain, chronic or unknown illness means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about them and their affects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed.

In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand:

These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me.

Please understand that being sick doesn’t mean I’m not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I’m not much fun to be with, but I’m still me– stuck inside this body. I still worry about my family, my friends, life and most of the time, I’d like to hear you talk about yours too.

Please understand that being able to stand up for ten minutes doesn’t necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes or an hour. Riding for 30 minutes today does not mean I can do it for an hour tomorrow. Just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn’t mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you’re paralyzed and can’t move. With this one, it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo yo. I never know from day to day how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. This is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of unknown illness. You never know what is going to happen next. What is going to hurt or cause you pain.

Please understand that chronic pain is variable. It’s quite possible (for many, it’s common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I’ll have trouble getting to the next room. Please don’t attack me when I’m ill by saying ” You did it before” or “oh I know you can do this!” If you want me to do something, ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally or get angry with me. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.

Please try and understand the difference between “happy” and “healthy.” When you’ve got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but, I’ve been sick for years. I can’t be miserable all the time. In fact, I do try not being miserable all the time. So, if your talking to me and I sound happy, it means I’m happy. That’s all. It doesn’t mean that I’m not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I’m getting better, or, any of those things. Please don’t say, “Oh, you’re sounding better!” or “But, you look so healthy!” I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look “normal.” If you want to comment on that, you’re welcome.

Please understand that the “getting out and doing things” does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don’t know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Telling me that I need exercise, or do some things to “get my mind off of it” may frustrate me to tears and is not correct. If I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don’t you think I would? Do you really think this is the life I would choose for myself?

Another statement that hurts is: “You just need to push yourself more, try harder.” Chronic pain or unknown illness can affect the whole body or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can’t always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, chronic pain and unknown illness may cause secondary depression (wouldn’t you get depressed and down if you were sick constantly for months or years and had no idea why?), but it is not created by depression or anxiety.

Please understand that if I have to sit down, lie down, stay in bed, that probably means that I do have to do it right now. It can’t be put off or forgotten just because I’m somewhere or I in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.

If I seem touchy, its probably because I am. It’s not how I try to be or want to be. As a matter of fact, I would like very much to be “normal.” I hope you will try to understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general.

In many ways I depend on you all— people who are not sick. I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out. Sometimes I need you to help me with the shopping, cooking or cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor or to the store. You are my only link to normalcy. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of my life that I miss and so wish I could have back one day. In the meantime, I will keep searching for a reason, a cause so then and only then, I can look for solutions and ways to be well once again. I am not willing to give up ..I can only hope that one day soon I can find some answers.

Comfortable in Your Own Skin

I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day. ~Abraham Lincoln


This weekend my son Rhett competed in his first bodybuilding competition. It was a SNBF event held in Gainsville, Georgia.


Per their website ...

The Supernatural Bodybuilding and Fitness Organization (S.N.B.F) was founded in 1996 and is a 100% Drug Free Organization. It was primarily organized to help individuals and/or businesses to focus on healthy lifestyle programs, physical fitness activities, personal empowerment sessions, and spiritual coaching provided through Workshops, Seminars and Competitions. As Drug Free Athletes, we believe the Natural athlete should have a fair place to compete and we have been Blessed to be able to provide this avenue for these athletes. All judges have a background in the fitness industry ranging from natural bodybuilders, doctors (chiropractic and medical), fitness competitors, aerobic instructors, personal trainers, and a variety of ex-professional athletes and many more.

Rhett won the LW Novice, Novice Overall, Men's Open Short Division and battled hard in the Overall finals. Not bad for a first time out and according to him his "only show."

He has worked hard to get himself ready for this show but it did not just start a few months ago. It started many years ago when he was a young kid. Rhett posses something that is rare and special in this day and age. He has the discipline, work ethic and desire that most neither have or strive for in our society. As an athlete all his life he has always had to work harder than most . But the desire to always do his best has been in him from the time he was a small child. From the first time he strapped on the catchers gear behind the plate as a small six year old to his final football game in high school he always given his best. He was always the little kid that had to work harder than others to excel.

He has worked out from the time he entered high school, but over the last few years he has taken it to the next level. As he has told me many times "working out is not work to me it is part of who I am", he enjoys every minute of the time spent in the gym.

A few months ago he decide he wanted to enter a bodybuilding competition just to say I have been able to do that. Yet, as he does everything else, he poured his heart and soul into the preparation. He also wanted to make sure he was competing in an all natural, 100% drug free event. Not an event that not only allows 'steroids" but basically encourages it by the fact that is what everyone does to compete.

Many kids and teenagers go through a stage of experimenting with drugs and alcohol but that has never an issue with Rhett. He has never needed to be part of the crowd or doing something because "everyone else is doing it" type person. His uncle was killed as a result of drinking and driving , something that had a huge impact on Rhett as a young child. Rhett has told me numerous times I will never put myself in that circumstance and he hasn't. He has told me in particular over the last few years, "I will not put anything into my body that is unhealthy, unsafe or illegal." He amazes me everyday with his character and integrity.

He has prepared over the last several months while working full time. going to school full time and still maintaining a 3.96 GPA.

Thank you to all the family and friends who came out and supported him on his special day He really appreciated everyone being there. I am so proud of the remarkable young man that he has become. Not only by what he accomplished this weekend but what he accomplishes everyday. He leads his life with a sense of purpose, goals yet at the same time enjoying life. I could not be prouder to call this young man my son. Am I bragging you bet....love you buddy! Thanks for making me so proud of you! I am blessed.

Intergrity, character and self respect cannot be hunted. It cannot be purchased. It is never for sale. It cannot be fabricated. It comes to us when we are alone, in the quiet moments, in quiet places, when we suddenly realize that, knowing the good, we have done it; knowing the beautiful, we have served it; knowing the truth we have spoken it. We are comfortable in our own skin ~